Embracing Weakness

I think the hardest thing for me in these past few weeks has been feeling completely helpless and out of control. Most of my day-to-day living somehow helps maintain the charade that I’m in control of my world. I’m good at what I do. I can usually bend a situation to my will and get out of it what I want. In short, I’ve gotten quite good at controlling my world.

But this feeling of control is merely a façade, an illusion. In reality, I’ve come to realize that I’ve never really ever been in control; even when in my arrogance I pretend I am. We either serve a sovereign God, Lord of universe, who causes and directs the ways of man or we don't. There is no middle ground on this one.  How am I living? Do I demonstrate by my actions that I trust in Almighty God and His plans for my family? Or do I clutch at straws to somehow project that I’ve got it altogether, that I’m in control and I can make it all happen the way it “should” from my feeble perspective?

By embracing my humanity and weakness I allow the Spirit of God to manifest His power. In my weakness His strength is made perfect. The moment when I embrace my inabilities is the precise moment when I’m empowered to operate in His strength.

It’s such a paradox and a challenging one for my faith. But the gospel is in fact paradoxical. To be first you are called to be last. To save your life you must lose it. To find strength you must embrace weakness.

In a situation like today, where I sat in a waiting room for almost four hours waiting for the doctor to walk through the door and tell me about the tumor inside my daughter I came face to face with the stark realization, whether I wanted to or not, that I am not in control. So…am I willing to give up that “control” that I never had in the first place?

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”

-Jim Elliot

I’ve always been a huge Elliot fan. Talk about a man who lived what he believed. What a spectacular example of an unshakeable belief in a really big God. He knew what it was to believe in a sovereign God, even in the tough times. He also knew how to not only accept his inabilities but to boldly embrace his weakness.

“Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God…the will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for, but we must believe that whatever it involves, it is good, acceptable and perfect.”

-Jim Elliot

I believe this situation with little Kaitlyn Shea to be the will of God. Therefore, it is good, acceptable and perfect. And, therefore, God is in control, not me. He knows the plans He has for me and my family. He directs the path that Kaitlyn will walk. And ultimately, when I concede, and rest in His perfect control, then His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Will I embrace it?